.delete

If only we can chose to remove certain memories from our brain, and heart, life would be so much more easy and happy. Why can't girls have brains like guys? Categorize everything, put them into boxes, and only open one that I would like to think about.

I think this is what made me so upset all the time. When something happened, something that made me upset, I will think about it over and over. I can't forget those points of impact on my feelings. And I always thinks that I could, but I just can't. Until over a period of time, it's numb to a certain point that I felt disgust, anger and hatred. Recently I can't control it. I feel like I'm losing my sanity.

I know I am asking too much from the world, and I'm getting more and more selfish than ever. I probably love myself more than anyone else. Yes, I think I love myself more. So it's always myself who is disappointing me, and making me upset all the time.

I had a haircut yesterday, thought it's gonna be nice after the cut, like a better appearance and a happier emotion. But in the mirror I saw the most ugly person I've ever seen in my life. A sinking heart made my skin rough, a frowning sad face, no sunshine nor rainbow. Jeremy thought he did a bad job, so he kept asking me if it was ok. I don't know man... I can't see what's the matter here, isit the fringe or just me, or the stupid curls that he did for fun afterwards... It was almost 9.30pm when I left the salon. Hungry and tired. Jess went home earlier so I was all by myself. I think I gained like 20kg after the hair cut, 'coz i seemed not able to lift my legs and walk properly. It was like forever to take the train and reach home. Not to mention the embarrassing incident happened on the train, goshh, I wish I could dig a hole and hide my big head. On the way home I stopped by the night market and bought a kebab, and what in the world the guy pointed to my face and asked me if my mole is real?! HELLO PLEASE, YOU THINK I PASTE A MOLE ON THE FACE TO LOOK PRETTY?? Arrgg. It's so not funny. So I got home, finished my kebab, bath, and went to sleep. It was 11.30pm.