Goodbye

10:06AM

Current position in the office, waiting for dad to pick me up and sending Jess away.
Jess' flight is at 1PM.
Gosh man... it's now end of July in a blink. I regreted so much that couldn't make more free time to spend with her. Gonna miss the days we get icecream after work, watching movies, searching for books in the stores, play OBSCURE2, laugh at Five FM Garyth's Show in the morning, play piano, lying on the heated floor and just talk, plan our comic, get our food in the super market, and having Jess just simply be there for me when things get bad...

Time to go now...

Why So Serious

Last night had a huge fight with dad. I can't accept the way he arrange things. Includes my future. It is so unfair. You can't just take away something from another's life base on the reasons that are just so cruel and untrue. I never gonna accept the fact that he truely is my dad. And I don't give a damn about whether he knows me well or believe in me. Whatever I do, there's only doubt in his eyes. And whatever he say, i'm gonna take in nothing.

I sat on the floor and just cried the whole night. Jess couldn't help it and cried along. We cried and talked and silent and talked. By the time i washed my face i can't even open my eyes. I feel so shit about everything. "You should leave this shithole as soon as possible," Jess said. I don't know what to say. Too much disappointment to handle and deal with.

What is your plan? He asked me last night. Getting a degree, then work and get married? He answered for me. Well it's quite a decent answer, but fuck that. So what if that is my plan, are you gonna decide for me when to get the degree, where to work and who to marry???

I hate to live in the hopes and expectations of others. Perhaps i think too much, and compensate too much. Someone once said to me, are you gonna live for yourself or others?

Sometimes I just want to leave this world behind.

Lekker

Being really busy lately. Piles and piles of work, problems of staff members to be dealt everyday, new policies to follow, life to handle, etc etc etc. Though Jess is here now, but nothing has changed. She follow me to work everyday, and spend the rest of the day like i do everyday. Boring, dull, and unexcited.

But i guess the best part is that we spent 10hours in one Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday to complete OBSCURE 2: The Aftermath. Yes we've completed it! But to great disappointment, there aren't any unlockables.

I went out with Jess last night for a movie. We watched Hancock, which alot people said that it is bad. But still we have to watch it, 'coz no Will Smith movie is gonna be missed! And we find it pretty good. Though i hate how the director shoot the film (yes that stupid bouncing and unstable camera!), I personally find that the story is very original. Anything to do with love and fate and sacrifies, is good.

For the past two weeks, life isn't going well. I've been living in fear and uncertainties. My bad habbit of assuming things are killing me. I guess Fauz is right, don't assume. But sadness and emptiness have taken a place deep down. What should i do...? There's no one i can speak to, and there's no one that understands me. What's surrounding me are those that can't be trusted. I've never felt so helpless in my life before.

Something happened yesturday that has made my day... really weird. I got a call from a guy who used to work for my dad as a salesman. A really hard working guy. It was so strange to call all a sudden 'coz he already quited for about two months. He called and chatted and told me why he quit the job and is now a sales manager in another dealership. To my surprise, he asked me out. I got really shocked. And i refused immediately. And he said "Is it because i'm white?". Goodness, another race question. Honestly speaking its not about the race. It's about my heart and soul that are already taken. Lastly he said he will call me again in a week's time so meanwhile i should think about it again. I dislike handling this kinda stuff. No means no. What more is there for me to think about?



And my sister said to me, she wants an eurasian nephew.
Jess, please let me strangle you.


Alright cheers.

Quiet

This is one of the songs in Rachael Yamagata's "Happenstance". Enjoy.



Baby says I can't come with him
And I had read all of this in his eyes
Long before he even said so
Why go, I asked
You know and I know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spend on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

cheers :)