.delete

If only we can chose to remove certain memories from our brain, and heart, life would be so much more easy and happy. Why can't girls have brains like guys? Categorize everything, put them into boxes, and only open one that I would like to think about.

I think this is what made me so upset all the time. When something happened, something that made me upset, I will think about it over and over. I can't forget those points of impact on my feelings. And I always thinks that I could, but I just can't. Until over a period of time, it's numb to a certain point that I felt disgust, anger and hatred. Recently I can't control it. I feel like I'm losing my sanity.

I know I am asking too much from the world, and I'm getting more and more selfish than ever. I probably love myself more than anyone else. Yes, I think I love myself more. So it's always myself who is disappointing me, and making me upset all the time.

I had a haircut yesterday, thought it's gonna be nice after the cut, like a better appearance and a happier emotion. But in the mirror I saw the most ugly person I've ever seen in my life. A sinking heart made my skin rough, a frowning sad face, no sunshine nor rainbow. Jeremy thought he did a bad job, so he kept asking me if it was ok. I don't know man... I can't see what's the matter here, isit the fringe or just me, or the stupid curls that he did for fun afterwards... It was almost 9.30pm when I left the salon. Hungry and tired. Jess went home earlier so I was all by myself. I think I gained like 20kg after the hair cut, 'coz i seemed not able to lift my legs and walk properly. It was like forever to take the train and reach home. Not to mention the embarrassing incident happened on the train, goshh, I wish I could dig a hole and hide my big head. On the way home I stopped by the night market and bought a kebab, and what in the world the guy pointed to my face and asked me if my mole is real?! HELLO PLEASE, YOU THINK I PASTE A MOLE ON THE FACE TO LOOK PRETTY?? Arrgg. It's so not funny. So I got home, finished my kebab, bath, and went to sleep. It was 11.30pm.

so angry

睡不著了...

又在想一些有的沒有的事情。


唉 在這種孤獨的晚上﹐只有自己可以陪自己。




不就說了改變是進行式的嗎﹐

連自己都察覺不到...自己已經開始對很多事情不感興趣了。

因為如果我會為一些事情難過﹐那我就要去改變它改變自己。

給自己一個強心針然後繼續走下去...




我不想被不當一回事﹑被忽略﹑被看扁﹑被懷疑﹑被不尊重﹑被開玩笑﹑被看輕.....

每次都把自己變成小丑和放下尊嚴的為了取悅別人﹐真的沒必要...

最後只是會像個笨蛋一樣懊惱又後悔到不行...

也沒有人會珍惜你的慷慨和熱情﹐他們只會把一切視為理所當然。

人類最終都還是自私的動物。