Why So Serious

Last night had a huge fight with dad. I can't accept the way he arrange things. Includes my future. It is so unfair. You can't just take away something from another's life base on the reasons that are just so cruel and untrue. I never gonna accept the fact that he truely is my dad. And I don't give a damn about whether he knows me well or believe in me. Whatever I do, there's only doubt in his eyes. And whatever he say, i'm gonna take in nothing.

I sat on the floor and just cried the whole night. Jess couldn't help it and cried along. We cried and talked and silent and talked. By the time i washed my face i can't even open my eyes. I feel so shit about everything. "You should leave this shithole as soon as possible," Jess said. I don't know what to say. Too much disappointment to handle and deal with.

What is your plan? He asked me last night. Getting a degree, then work and get married? He answered for me. Well it's quite a decent answer, but fuck that. So what if that is my plan, are you gonna decide for me when to get the degree, where to work and who to marry???

I hate to live in the hopes and expectations of others. Perhaps i think too much, and compensate too much. Someone once said to me, are you gonna live for yourself or others?

Sometimes I just want to leave this world behind.